


Deep Magic Begins Here

by Heather Dursley (Keolah)



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Gen, Humor, Muggle Technology, One-Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-16
Updated: 2015-11-16
Packaged: 2018-05-02 00:10:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,266
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5226416
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Keolah/pseuds/Heather%20Dursley
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Grindelwald has new plans for bringing down the Statute of Secrecy and taking over the world.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Deep Magic Begins Here

Dumbledore hardly recognized the face that was sitting before him. Older, certainly, but healthy and jovial as ever, and sitting in the Leaky Cauldron without a care in the world, the patrons around him none the wiser.

"Gellert?" Dumbledore's eyes widened incredulously. "What are you doing here?"

Grindelwald casually sipped his mug. "Having a cup of coffee."

"But how did you get out of prison?" Dumbledore wondered.

"Magic." Grindelwald waggled his fingers.

Dumbledore groaned softly. "I see your sense of humor is none the worse for wear, but I was hoping for some elucidation."

"Seriously, I had decades to try to find a way out." Grindelwald positively giggled. "Not that I actually spent decades in there. I was out within a year, and that was just to make sure you didn't notice. You think I would've built a prison that I couldn't get out of myself? I put in backdoors specifically so that couldn't happen."

Dumbledore stared at him. "So where have you been all these years?"

Grindelwald drained his mug and set it aside. "Oh, I moved to Seattle. Even had a huge magical focus built there. I'm surprised nobody noticed."

"I don't imagine the magical world pays much attention to what happens in the Colonies." Dumbledore frowned. "I haven't heard any dark lord activity in that direction, though. Unless word of that hasn't reached here either."

Grindelwald waved a hand. "Nothing so crude. I found better methods. Ones I'm sure even you couldn't object to. Anyway, I already have plans in motion to rule the Muggle world. They just might not realize it yet. But never mind that. It's not something most wizards will understand for some time." He lowered his voice to a whisper. "I call it the Internet."

Dumbledore looked at him in confusion and shifted uncomfortably. "So why did you come back here?"

"Oh, I just want to apply for a job."

"You can't be serious," Dumbledore said flatly.

"I'm totally serious," Grindelwald feigned shock. "What do you take me for?"

"You're going to teach Defense Against the Dark Arts."

Grindelwald shook his head. "No, no. I want to teach Muggle Studies."

"Muggle Studies?" Every time Dumbledore thought he could not get more surprised, Grindelwald opened his mouth again.

"Of course! I have much wisdom to impart from the Muggle world!"

"You're going to teach Defense Against the Dark Arts," Dumbledore repeated.

"Oh, come on," Grindelwald said, pouting. It was unbecoming of a man his age to pout. "At least let me teach History of Magic."

"You're going to teach Defense Against the Dark Arts," Dumbledore said again.

"Are you having such trouble finding people to teach that?"

Dumbledore sighed. "Yes."

Grindelwald rolled his eyes. "Fine, fine. If you insist."

* * *

" _Grindelwald_ is teaching this class?" Ron whispered.

"Who?" Harry said.

"Oh!" Hermione perked up. "I read all about him. He was a powerful Dark Lord during World War II who had a reign of terror in Europe, and--"

"Good day, students!" Grindelwald said cheerfully. "And welcome to Defense Against Muggles."

Dean raised his hand. "Excuse me, Professor Grindelwald, but isn't this supposed to the Defense Against the Dark Arts?"

"Nope!" Grindelwald said with a grin. "And let me tell you why. You are far more likely to have to interact with Muggles than run across any dark wizards. And as it turns out, many of the techniques for dealing with violence regarding them are the same. Can anyone tell me why? Any of you Muggle raised students want to pipe in here?"

Harry raised his hand and said, "Because they have guns."

"Exactly, Mr. Potter. Five points to Gryffindor. That, among other things, is one reason why Muggles are so dangerous. There are more insidious things, however. Can anyone else tell me what might be dangerous about them?"

"Cameras," Dean put in.

"Quite so! Another five points to Gryffindor for you. Cameras are the main reason why the Statute of Secrecy is already falling apart and is unlikely to last another ten years and definitely won't last another twenty."

Ron looked confused. "Why is that?"

"Back before cameras and television, if Muggles witnessed an event, all it took was Obliviating the ones who saw it." Grindelwald chuckled softly. "And now? It's quickly getting to the point where if something is seen, Muggles all over the world will see it before any wizard can do anything about it."

"You can't be serious," Ron said, eyes widening. "What would happen if the Statute of Secrecy fell? That would be terrible!"

Grindelwald looked straight at him and asked, "Why?"

"Because if they knew about us, they'd ask us to fix all their problems," Ron went on.

"They'll start witch hunts," Seamus added.

Grindelwald shook his head. "The real reason is that you don't know how to live with Muggles, and they don't know how to live with you. Fortunately for you, I'm going to teach you how to live with Muggles."

* * *

"Gellert, it is inappropriate to show Muggle horror movies to students in order to teach them the Patronus charm," Dumbledore said in exasperation.

"Aw, why not?" Grindelwald said with a playful grin.

"How did you even get that equipment to work in here, anyway?"

"Magic," Grindelwald replied, waggling his fingers.

"That can't be your catch all explanation for everything."

Dumbledore added, "More importantly, how is it that you're still teaching? The Defense Against the Dark Arts position was jinxed."

"Ah, but I'm not teaching Defense Against the Dark Arts." Grindelwald raised a finger. "I'm teaching Defense Against Muggles."

Dumbledore sighed and put his face in his hand. "And this is still the most competent teaching we've had there in years. And students have been passing their OWLs because you've been teaching them Shield Charms to protect them against guns."

"Just wait until I teaching them how to use the Internet," Grindelwald said, his grin widening to positively manic levels. "Things are going to get wild during the next few years, and they're going to have to be able to deal with the world without the Statute of Secrecy to protect them."

"What makes you so sure that the Statute of Secrecy will fall?" Dumbledore wondered. "You were always so intent upon bringing it down. You found a way to do it, didn't you. What have you done, Gellert?"

"Who, me?" Grindelwald said with feigned innocence.

"You still didn't tell me about your plans," Dumbledore said, looking at him suspiciously. "Or what better methods you were speaking of."

Grindelwald shook his finger. "Now that would be telling."

Dumbledore sighed again. "Tell me."

"Oh, fine, fine. It has been beautiful. I am so proud of these Muggles, you wouldn't believe. Wizards could stand to learn a lot from their ingenuity. Television was enough of a problem for the Statute of Secrecy, but it will never be able to survive the Internet. Soon, every Muggle on the streets will be carrying a camera at all times, and be able to put anything they see on the Internet for everyone in the world to see instantly." He giggled insanely. "Things are already in motion. Nobody can stop them now. The world is changing, and wizards need to change with it."

"I would find this hard to believe from anyone but you. As it is, all I can say is, at least it's better than the violence you were using before."

"Ah, Albus, if you keep sighing you will run out of breath. And it would be a pity if you missed out on the brave new world that is coming. It will be a sight to behold."


End file.
